Poems
Hello all ^^ I have got more than a few poems here. I wont make a post for each one, but I would love feedback if any of you have got the time/deem my poems worthy of feedback. Many thanks ^^
She has
blackhole eyes
that devour light
with all the hunger of a chained wolf
and lips petrified
in a smile as empty
as her shell
and sometimes when the moon is full
and winds howl
you can hear
the drip-drop of rain
echoing inside her
And the storm never
blows over
And the storm never
blows over
——————————
We sat down
under a willow tree
or maybe a…
I dont remember
and maybe you smiled
when I looked at my feet
and I stroked your hair
because we could not speak.
The leaves kept humming
a lullaby
something about runaway sheep
and you let out a sigh
and fell asleep
and maybe I remember you
from your dream
———————————
There are footsteps outside my door
a knocking
somewhere far off
a glass drops, shatters
into precisely
seventy-three
little pieces
of which
one bounces,
ricochets,
and finds home
in the vitreous humor
of my abuser’s eye
——————————–
She sounded like
an empty can of coke(cane)
when I knocked her ’round that day
and when she fell and cracked a rib
it came like twist-top beer
her skull was strange
it sounded like
a piece of wood breaking in
and when I draged her ‘cross the floor
I heard steel combed hair
The shovel in mud wasnt hard to place
I heard custard-cream pie
and in the end when I patted ground
the thought of fluffed pillows went by
I’m glad I could once
tuck her into bed.
~ Fin.
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Categories: Poems
Very nice. Some editing necessary in the willow tree poem. “Or maybe a…I don’t know” is jarring. Other than thatm great, great job. I feel like I have a block right now. There is this need to prove myself with those 10 posts. Sigh.
Four poems and all I get is a “nice”?
Chalo khair hai, I know you’re busy.
Dont stress the ten posts. The soonest you stop thinking about them, the sooner they’ll come to you.
sorry for being absent from the alive world for so long, its been a hard semester…but it’s finely over!
The last poem, Gin, is very haunting and gory. I likes alot.
I agree with Noor on the willow tree one, that ine is jarring there. The last two lines of the same one need some work, maybe be more lucid. The whole poem is very dreamy so maybe ending it on a concrete note wud help.
Sidra, I am surprised to see so many typos and (gasp!) netlish in your comment!
Happy new year to everyone.
I love the first one. Seems reminiscent of some dark Japanese Anime or Manga Character.