Confessions of an air hostess
During travel, of the various thoughts occupying our minds, flight attendants usually are not it. Unless they do something abnormally nice, obnoxiously rude or posses aisle traffic stopping good looks. Their role as our hosts while we are on the plane, is now a mutually sour one. Passengers are impatient, demanding and far too many for the reluctant hosts who are over worked, under paid and have smiled way past the Fake Smile Authenticity Guidelines.
I had also done my fair share of air staff ignoring unless I was hungry, wanted the empty dishes to be picked up or desperately wanted the magazine that they were out of stock of. Somehow as the threshold is passed from economy to the business/upper class the level of mannerisms between the passengers and the air staff seems to transcend from restrained politeness to attention, concern and courtesy. This emotion is obviously also feigned, but the acting is far superior, just like the cost of the ticket.
Seated on a middle seat in economy between one fat depressed nauseated lady and one chaddar clad almost asleep one, I decided that there was no worse way I could have lost the seat allocation gamble. A word here about these “lady seats”, while the bus systems like Daewoo preserve the holy status of the lady seats with almost religious possessiveness the airlines dont recognize them officially. So while you can miss a ride on the bus just because the one empty seat is next to a male, and you are not allowed by the rules to sit there, the airlines should be thanked if they even manage to seat two relatives together. Of course on every flight, as soon as the plane takes off some woman would ask the air hostess to change her seat, if she hasnt already used emotional/social blackmailing on the males around her to switch her seat. I used to look down upon these occurrences as inconvenient disturbances before I realized that the average Pakistani male considers your seat area as legitimate space for his elbows. No amount of ahem ahem, excuse me or even blatant explanation can cure this misconception. The ladies at least give you the elbow space, however sometimes at the cost of your personal one.
Anyways coming back to my current disposition on the ladies seat, I was about to fall asleep, when the loud sound of a middle aged woman talking across the aisle to some girls woke me up along with half of the plane. On a late night flight all you wish for is some sleep on the plane, no hijacking drama obviously, and a car ready as soon as you land. This was an undesired deviation to the plan. Since the woman was much older to me in age, I called our airhostess and asked her if she could politely ask this lady to keep her voice down, since many around her were trying to sleep. The chaddar clad woman sitting next to me popped her head out after the air hostess left and told me that it is very nice and considerate of me to point that out. I just shrugged and admitted my sole personal interest. At which she told me, but this happens on many flights, our passengers lack basic manners and need to be reminded time and again. I asked, if she was a frequent traveler, to which she told me that she was actually an air hostess herself.
I found this quite interesting since I had never had a chance to talk to an airhostess before. Pointing towards her chaddar, I asked her if the airline allowed her to cover her head on duty. She shyly smiled and told me that I have only covered my face now because frequent travelers recognize air hostesses, even when they are not on duty and traveling in a personal capacity. I realized the similar celebrity hazards this woman faced, as she recounted tales of passionate love declarations on the plane, and stalker situations. Air staff is not as well paid as we might be lead to believe. They also have similar long shifts as doctors, with night duties and no regular weekend holidays. Then there is the added pressure of maintaining your appearance and controlling your weight unless you are “grounded”. Before every flight they also have a “viva” type quiz in which they are asked random questions from the Airlines Manual. They are surprisingly skilled with trainings such as emergency baby delivery, hijacker situation handling and air crash prevention/control.
She told me it was always easy to recognize another air hostess, since they never eat Air Lines food and always ask for water in a paper cup. It is easy to understand that, when she told me that they poke their fingers under the polythene covering, into the food, to check if it is warm and the plastic cups are simply swooped through dirty water.
Disgusted but still regretting saying no to the yummy smelling biryani, in the passing trolley, I asked her that how was the relationship between pilots and the air staff. Her stories about the pilots were hilarious, the most funny being how a pilot refused to fly the plane till he got his McDonald’s meal on Jinnah International Airport. By the time his exact requirements were met, the flight was already delayed by an hour. So next time on the terminal you hear the dreaded “the flight is delayed, we apologize for the inconvenience”, read between the lines “our pilot is waiting for his McFlurry”
Of all the bizarre things I have seen in my life, on our flight a girl had boarded the plane dressed completely as a bride. She looked extremely lost, uncomfortable and nervous, and if it was not for the accompanying bride groom and an elderly woman, you would have thought she had lost her way from the wedding procession. My friend, the air hostess told me, that this is a common sight on domestic flights, apparently the people back at home have difficulty believing the boy is married unless he brings back an actual dulhan dulhan.
As we landed and got out of the plane, I realized that for me the journey had ended but this plane had to go back along with all the crew but new passengers and new stories. I said thank you to my friend, for all her interesting revelations and we said our good byes, hoping to meet on another interesting flight as this one.
Moral of the story: All that flies is not plain.
Lol, nice punning at the end
Funny stories, especially the Mc Donalds one! Is plane food really that non-clean? :S I wud soooo wanna meet an air-hostess type person and get the inside scoop on things that look so prim and proper from the outside.
Interesting, as always. You pick the most unusual topics. And you have a flair for sarcastic humor. It all works well for your writing.
Excellent theme and ur eye for unnoticed details is awesome. However, unlike ur usual writing, I noticed slips, typos and quite a few gramamtical errors in this. I dont think this has been proofread at all. U mite wanna do that.
8/10
It’s really remarkable how you can turn the mundane into interesting, humorous and entertaining dialogues. I’ll be sure to avoid all plastic cups from now on…
BTW which airline were you flying?
This was our very own PIA!
thanks for the feedback
Me thinks me cans write lots and lots better then you! here is example for you truly and only
Hey,are you there?
you are my teddy bear
Is that even fair?
You are in the lion’s lair
and i am here
I wait for you to write article. your wit and writing style is amazing. While it is easy to write about loneliness and sorrow and blah (so I have found), your kind of writing is classy and rare not only in its wit but also in the quality. Keep writing!
salam…i want 2 be a airhostess in PIA..THANK U..
well tell me whats the procedure for this ?
salam, i want to join as an air hostess. i am doing BS.Hons n this is my last year. tell me please what’s the criteria??
do reply me..
thanx.
i wana know infomation abt airhostess…
job requirments?????
any special coruses????
do reply me…………