Past Tense
Like the brown colour of dried blood
The feelings
Perhaps have elapsed under
The thick currents of time
Memoirs of past whispers
Cloud my existence
Seeking
Still for eyes that could cry
The pounding beats
Of a sick heart plead
For those hushed laughters
To return
And walks late nights
With hands entwined
Are as vivid as they can be
Some strolls through stones
And rain through the fog
Those million kisses
Have smoked up, gone in a fizz
They are wound up in a cave
Of vaporized thoughts
That no longer
Call out or miss
Of running wild
In wilderness wide
I no longer
Can be as quiet as he
The sun refuses to bloom
And succumbs to gloom
One day he then calls
Like a thunder before a storm
Announcing
A buried me
Categories: Poems

OK great imagery until “no longer call out or miss of running wild…” you lost me there. your poems are becoming very abstract, but at the same time they leave a very major impact. they usually end with a bang. the good thing is that there is a lot of room for reader interpretation. maybe you should explain what the latter part of the poem means/signifies. maybe some punctuation will help. “I can no longer be as quiet as he (.)” makes sense…but “i can no longer be as quiet as he the sun refuses to bloom” does not make much sense to me. if the two lines are presenting two different ideas/entities i.e. the resolve to not be quiet and the stubborn sun that refuses to bloom, then use punctuation to differentiate these ideas.
Overall, I love the flow, the imagery, the descriptions. Good job.
You’ve done a good job at writing an unconventional love poem
Though your language is always difficult for me to understand on first read, took me three this time. lol. I agree with Noor, punctuation, of some kind would really help the reader to pause and differenciate where one idea stops and the other starts.
“One day he then calls
Like a thunder before a storm
Announcing
A buried me”
ohhhhhhhhhhhh babyyyyyyy
OUCH
I’m not easily impressed. . . but that’s impresnisg me!