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Past Tense

04. Jun, 2007

Like the brown colour of dried blood

The feelings

Perhaps have elapsed under

The thick currents of time

Memoirs of past whispers

Cloud my existence

Seeking

Still for eyes that could cry

The pounding beats

Of a sick heart plead

For those hushed laughters

To return

And walks late nights

With hands entwined

Are as vivid as they can be

Some strolls through stones

And rain through the fog

Those million kisses

Have smoked up, gone in a fizz

They are wound up in a cave

Of vaporized thoughts

That no longer

Call out or miss

Of running wild

In wilderness wide

I no longer

Can be as quiet as he

The sun refuses to bloom

And succumbs to gloom

One day he then calls

Like a thunder before a storm

Announcing

A buried me

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Categories: Poems

4 Responses to “Past Tense”

  1. Noor-ul-Ain 04. Jun, 2007

    OK great imagery until “no longer call out or miss of running wild…” you lost me there. your poems are becoming very abstract, but at the same time they leave a very major impact. they usually end with a bang. the good thing is that there is a lot of room for reader interpretation. maybe you should explain what the latter part of the poem means/signifies. maybe some punctuation will help. “I can no longer be as quiet as he (.)” makes sense…but “i can no longer be as quiet as he the sun refuses to bloom” does not make much sense to me. if the two lines are presenting two different ideas/entities i.e. the resolve to not be quiet and the stubborn sun that refuses to bloom, then use punctuation to differentiate these ideas.
    Overall, I love the flow, the imagery, the descriptions. Good job.

  2. Sidra Nadeem 05. Jun, 2007

    You’ve done a good job at writing an unconventional love poem ;) Though your language is always difficult for me to understand on first read, took me three this time. lol. I agree with Noor, punctuation, of some kind would really help the reader to pause and differenciate where one idea stops and the other starts.

  3. Saadia 06. Jun, 2007

    “One day he then calls

    Like a thunder before a storm

    Announcing

    A buried me”

    ohhhhhhhhhhhh babyyyyyyy ;-) OUCH ;-)

  4. Jenaya 13. Apr, 2011

    I’m not easily impressed. . . but that’s impresnisg me! :)


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