Comments on: Lahore (Part II) http://www.readitlive.com/2007/04/23/lahore-part-ii/ dedicated to promoting budding poets, writers and bloggers Thu, 02 Feb 2012 20:10:04 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.4 By: nike air jordan http://www.readitlive.com/2007/04/23/lahore-part-ii/comment-page-1/#comment-10574 nike air jordan Mon, 07 Jun 2010 17:07:04 +0000 http://www.readitlive.com/2007/04/23/lahore-part-ii/#comment-10574 It???s a complete gift this ???game??? and all it takes is hours of work. It???s not hard or difficult but the very fact that ANYBODY can do this is amazing. It???s a complete gift this ???game??? and all it takes is hours of work. It???s not hard or difficult but the very fact that ANYBODY can do this is amazing.

]]> By: Random Tangent http://www.readitlive.com/2007/04/23/lahore-part-ii/comment-page-1/#comment-2430 Random Tangent Mon, 14 Jan 2008 23:38:18 +0000 http://www.readitlive.com/2007/04/23/lahore-part-ii/#comment-2430 [...] does a much better job that I ever could). You can find that on the Read It Live website: Lahore, Lahore - Part II. If you’ve ever lived in Lahore for a decent amount of time (or simply know people from [...] [...] does a much better job that I ever could). You can find that on the Read It Live website: Lahore, Lahore – Part II. If you’ve ever lived in Lahore for a decent amount of time (or simply know people from [...]

]]> By: Noor-ul-Ain http://www.readitlive.com/2007/04/23/lahore-part-ii/comment-page-1/#comment-272 Noor-ul-Ain Mon, 23 Apr 2007 17:27:02 +0000 http://www.readitlive.com/2007/04/23/lahore-part-ii/#comment-272 Wonderful! I really like how you construct the lives of the inhabitants of Lahore. My favorite line of the text: "Lahore lives through the rain." Absolutely beautiful. I want to see more of Lahore through your eyes, and yeah Usman is right about the Anarkali bit. :) Wonderful! I really like how you construct the lives of the inhabitants of Lahore. My favorite line of the text: “Lahore lives through the rain.” Absolutely beautiful.

I want to see more of Lahore through your eyes, and yeah Usman is right about the Anarkali bit. :)

]]> By: usman http://www.readitlive.com/2007/04/23/lahore-part-ii/comment-page-1/#comment-261 usman Mon, 23 Apr 2007 10:19:20 +0000 http://www.readitlive.com/2007/04/23/lahore-part-ii/#comment-261 Okay, Umar. I LOVE the fact that you're writing abt Lahore, my beloved hometown. You have great insight and your phrases are incisive. "The rest of the year the husbands do"... LOL@that! And u mentioned AITCHSION! Good boy! I'm an Aitchisonian too. Class of 2000 A levels. And like all Acites Im proud of it...BUT unlike many of them, like u mentioned, I hate the fact that AC is elitist and a remnant of the Raj...and im very pleased that you share that view. Excellent comparison between AC and the Mandi. Indeed ACites have a history of sitting on their asses in high positions and corrupting the system further! However: This piece lacks the former's power. Here instead of linking together your POI's and arguments, you have stated them very bluntly and a bit crudely. That's what I felt. You may choose to disregard that... Moreover, "He is not flashy, yet discreetly designer- slightly touching the lahori vanity" Sounds a bit awkward. Rephrase perhaps? "Both of them boast an imperial past of satisfying and serving their british masters - the later more than the former" Should be LATTER. The last para, IMHO, was the weakest. You lose power here though a lack of variability of sentence structure. It becomes more like a drone than not to me, but that could be because of style preference, and tis ur call to change it or not. Also: Fer the love of God, my good man, It was SALEEM aka JAHANGIR, akbar's son, NOT SHAHJAHAN who had an affair with Anarkali. Historians even say the rivalry between Saleem and Akbar over Anarkali was a tad sexual in nature; Akbar, they claim, also had the hots fer her possibly. Who knows! Overall, not bad at all. 8/10 Okay, Umar. I LOVE the fact that you’re writing abt Lahore, my beloved hometown. You have great insight and your phrases are incisive. “The rest of the year the husbands do”… LOL@that!

And u mentioned AITCHSION! Good boy! I’m an Aitchisonian too. Class of 2000 A levels. And like all Acites Im proud of it…BUT unlike many of them, like u mentioned, I hate the fact that AC is elitist and a remnant of the Raj…and im very pleased that you share that view. Excellent comparison between AC and the Mandi. Indeed ACites have a history of sitting on their asses in high positions and corrupting the system further!

However: This piece lacks the former’s power. Here instead of linking together your POI’s and arguments, you have stated them very bluntly and a bit crudely. That’s what I felt. You may choose to disregard that…

Moreover,

“He is not flashy, yet discreetly designer- slightly touching the lahori vanity”

Sounds a bit awkward. Rephrase perhaps?

“Both of them boast an imperial past of satisfying and serving their british masters – the later more than the former”

Should be LATTER.

The last para, IMHO, was the weakest. You lose power here though a lack of variability of sentence structure. It becomes more like a drone than not to me, but that could be because of style preference, and tis ur call to change it or not.

Also: Fer the love of God, my good man, It was SALEEM aka JAHANGIR, akbar’s son, NOT SHAHJAHAN who had an affair with Anarkali. Historians even say the rivalry between Saleem and Akbar over Anarkali was a tad sexual in nature; Akbar, they claim, also had the hots fer her possibly. Who knows!

Overall, not bad at all.

8/10

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