From cheesy film actress interviews, to online profile pages, from casual curiosity to deep intrigue, many of us face the question: “what is your ideal match?”

Given a choice of thought, opinion, favorite color and most detested politician, do we have equal liberty to define another human in our favorite parameters and declare as the Ideal Match?

In the age of consumerism while all our needs are the swipe of a credit card away, is placing an order for the Ideal Match the next big thing?

A friend of mine once quoting an old scholar told me that an ideal match is when the woman is better than the man in the following three attributes:Looks, Fear of God and virtue, whereas the man should be better than the woman in the following: Education, Wealth, and Height. I was reminded of this while reading about a recent research done at an American University about the Banking of Love. The basic idea being, how every human has a budget of abilities based about what they bring to the mating game and has to find the perfect match within the constraints of their budget. So is the complexity of the Ideal Match function compounded enough to require management on a spreadsheet or is it a simple rule based on three variables?

The wish list for an ideal match for most is long and imaginative. Put side by side with the profile of the aspirant itself, it is usually also un-realistic and sometimes unfair.

By popular demand the Ideal Female is beautiful, fair, has long lovely hair, deep set eyes, the perfect nose and the cutest pout. She is accomplished, educated, sacrificing, and benevolent. She must show the inclination to jump around gleefully in beautiful scenery and sing melodiously at all appropriate occasions in multiple languages. She must also have the ability to switch from damsel in distress to world expert cook in the blink of an eye.

The Ideal Man is Painfully handsome, Rich, Tall, Confident, Well Educated, Funny, and Well Traveled. He must be a poet, die hard romantic and world class cricket player. He must also possess the added powers to jump off helicopters and beat any guy to crumbles.

Viewed with the critical eye of reality the descriptions above deserve a place in Disney Land right next to Cinderella, and her Prince Charming. Most of us also realize it and while the fantasy is harbored in some deep romantic corner of our being, practicality prevails when the time of the actual decision comes and we decide for an average, flawed, normal mortal just as our selves.

So, while defining our ideal match, are we trying to use this as an opportunity to make up for our own shortcomings?

Is it not then fair to ask the question of the ideal self rather than the ideal match?

Of course it is always far easier to look for divine and external intervention rather than look within our selves for improvement and God forbid, faults. So rather then make a better person of ourselves it is easier to judge others. Why that girl is not pretty enough for our investment banker cousin, how that guy is too short for his wife and why no one is ever good enough for us!

From falling in love with the guy who took tuitions with us at 16 to the complex self conflicting demands for a spouse at 25, when did we lose touch with reality? Which end of the spectrum is desirable: complete ignorance or complete denial? I think it is neither, but the one within us. So before we raise our favorite question again, how about inverting the scrutiny and evaluating a better self first before the better half.